Walking In Shadows
by Angie The Author
Summary: The greedy hands of darkness are clutching him and Kaoru is slipping deeper into the darkness of depression. He's always been Hikaru's shadow- now Hikaru needs to be his light. [Pairings Undecided] -TEMPORARY HIATUS-
1. Prologue

Hikaru and Kaoru.

It's always been that way- Hikaru is the older twin, I am the younger. Hikaru is immature while I'm more mature. Hikaru can't control his feelings- I'm too in control of mine.

Sometimes I feel like I've robbed Hikaru of his opportunities. Like by being born, I've somehow taken away some of the attention and characteristics Hikaru was supposed to have. At times I even begin to wonder if we were even supposed to be twins- was Hikaru really supposed to be an only child? Were we somehow split into two separate embryo's in which I stole many of Hikaru's traits? Maybe Hikaru was meant to be the one with a clear balance of immaturity and maturity, be able to control his feelings while being completely aware of them.

I've always been the weaker of us. I've always been the one with the health problems and the one that would stay bedridden for days, weeks even, simply because of a fever or cold. I'm the one who's always had the breathing problems or wakes up during the middle of the night because everything hurts or simply because of a nightmare. I'm the twin that clings oh-so-desperately to his older brother as if he's slowly disappearing and holding onto him is the only way to keep him from leaving me- and he is. As if my hold isn't enough to keep him bound to the world of "Us" and keep him from escaping to the world of "Them".

And then Haruhi came.

Haruhi Fujioka, honor student, cross-dresser, Host Club member, and the first person to ever guess me and Hikaru apart correctly on multiple occasions simply by _knowing_. Not by intuition, not by guessing, but simply by going past everything that makes me and Hikaru similar and picking out our differences, destroying the world we had spent our whole lives to create.

At first I figured it'd make no difference- no one else could tell us apart and Haruhi was a nice enough girl, she wouldn't do any major damage. Right?

Wrong.

Because Hikaru fell in love.

Hikaru fell in love and that was the beginning of the end.

Yes, Haruhi was nice, and she was beautiful by all standards- she didn't try so hard on her appearance like many girls in our school, and her natural look was stunning. Not to mention she was intelligent and could see the things inside of everyone that made them a unique individual.

But I'm not in love with her. I think of her as my baby sister- someone I can confess to and will understand, and someone I can hang out with.

But, no, I don't love her. I _can't _love her. I gave my heart away to someone else a long time ago. It would be called "love at first sight" but I can't think that far back. Not to mention it's forbidden- illegal, even. It's _taboo_ as they call it. Incestual, even.

I'm in love with my brother.

Yes, I know- disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself for the selfish and perverted thoughts I have during the Host Club "acts" me and my brother perform for our customers, for the thoughts that plague my mind when he slips under the covers of the bed we share.

But I can't help it.

And, if it isn't bad enough, not only am I a homosexual, but I'm also in love with my own twin brother! My mirror image! I am the perfect representation of him and him of me! I'm still wondering if it's narcissistic or not.

Although it isn't like he'd ever care.

See, there never was a 'Kaoru Hitachiin'. He was just the twin that followed around Hikaru Hitachiin. No one remembers me, no one cares for me. I'm just a fake copy of the bigger picture.

No, I'm no one. A nobody. I'm a _reflection_. A _shadow_ darkened by the infinite abyss that is my older brother Hikaru.

I, am the perfect reflection of Hikaru. There was never Kaoru. Only a mirror. I am a shadow. Or maybe a leech- a discriminating creature who clings to anyone and sucks away any possible happiness. A parasite.

I tried detaching myself from Hikaru and pushing him towards Haruhi, the only way for him to achieve true happiness. By doing that I've pushed myself farther into the depths of depression, I've allowed the greedy hands of darkness to wrap themselves around me and begin pulling me farther into the abyss' clutches.

The world of "Us" has broken. As Hikaru travels outside and takes the portal into the world of "Them" I stay. I stay in the ruins of what once was something beautiful and am chained, locked away in this world and unable to take the first step into a different world.

I'm no longer Kaoru Hitachiin. I never was.

All that's left is a shadow.

* * *

**A/N: **I don't even know what this is- a prologue maybe? All I know is that I'm now working on a new multi-chapter story! I had the idea for this when I was thinking of new story ideas, and I thought of the fact that Hikaru and Kaoru are like mirrors of one another, then I thought of how Kaoru is like Hikaru's shadow, and this popped up. I haven't decided if I'm going to add my OC Codelle Cambridge into this because otherwise I won't have any direction for this story to go in- at least not for a while.

I hope everything was okay punctuation and grammar wise and I hope Kaoru didn't seem to OOC! This is going to be a pretty angsty story and I'm most likely going to add an OC or two into this story just to keep the plot up.

Also, quick note, I'm not really sure what the pairings are for this story yet, so if anyone decides to read this then can you maybe give me some ideas? I know one pairing will be HikaHaru, but afterwards I'm not sure. I don't know if I should make it HikaKao as well, KaoOC, KyouTama, TamaHaru- it's all undecided. So, yeah, if you could just maybe review or PM me your thoughts and ideas? Thanks!

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor any of its characters. Everything belongs to its respective owner. I only own the story idea and any thoughts and statements that came originally from my mind for this FanFiction._

Read and Review, please!  
**~Angie the Author**


	2. Chapter 1

Winter. Definitely not my most favorable of seasons. I'm not sure whether it's due to the cold that can freeze many so easily, or the fact that I was born in June. Either way, I hate winter.

So it honestly even surprises me a bit when I find myself enjoying the newfound weather, specks of December snow descending upon the ground. The blinding white dust touched lightly upon the bare flesh of my cheek, acknowledging me of the fact that it was freezing out as I ignored the stinging cold. My coat wrapped tight around my form, my beanie hugging my head and mittens dusted in the blinding white specks that fell from the sky.

A park came upon my way and I decided to walk through it before continuing on my trek, feeling the goofy smile on my face.

Trees that dotted the park were old and twisted, bare of leaves from both the past fall and the freezing weather of winter, turning the branches to ice that curled in on itself. Footprints that were slowly fading lay upon the ground, most likely from couples who walked hand in hand or children playing or even just someone who wanted to be alone, just to think and enjoy the weather. Someone like me.

Shaking my head of these thoughts I decided to instead acknowledge the fact that winter was beautiful- stunning, even, when you got pass the snow and biting cold of December. The way the snow touched so delicately upon the ground was mesmerizing, the still-freezing ice breath-taking, and the winds that blew past and swept up anything in their path delicate and stunning.

A comfortable and happy sigh escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, the air releasing itself into a wisp of smoke-y fog that disappeared only seconds later. My mind travelled to times in the past as I wondered to myself, _when was the last time I did something without Hikaru?_

That question seemed to come to mind a lot as of late, and as much as I'd love to destroy it, trample it beneath all the other questions and thoughts that roamed my mind, I couldn't. Because it was unanswered. And _oh_ how I hate unanswered questions.

Hikaru. He seemed to be the center of my thoughts, and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to clear my mind of him.

I can't clear my mind of the way the sun makes his eyes shine, even more so when they glint with mischief at the thought of a new way to prank someone. Can't forget the way water trickles down his chest and dips between his abs before disappearing whenever he exits the bathroom after a shower wearing nothing but a towel. I seem to constantly remind myself of his deep voice, hard yet soft and _oh-so-tempting_, different from the delicate, soft tone my voice had taken on. I can't seem to forget why I love him.

It was bound to happen- falling in love with my brother, I mean. For the first 15 years of our lives we figured no one else in the world mattered but ourselves. We had the little world of "Us" where no one else could knock on our door, and if they did we'd teach them why not to. Then they'd never return. We taught ourselves that the world of "Everyone Else" was a dangerous place, territory not to tread in that we had ignored our whole lives.

Then we met the Host Club, the first people to knock on our doors and stay.

Honestly, I can't thank Tamaki enough for what he did. If it wasn't for his acceptance of us and inviting us entry into the Host Club, we most likely wouldn't be the people we are today.

But then we also met Haruhi. Haruhi Fujioka, the first person to pick the lock. The only person who tried. The only one to dig _real _deep, and go past the symmetry and the similarities and simply _know_.

I hate her for that. And yet, I can't really hate her, because she's done nothing wrong. She was _herself_, and if that's reason to hate her, then send me to jail myself.

Honestly I even held affections for the short brunette- for a short period of time. If anything the love that had been saved for her was forced, something created only to appease my growing need to love Hikaru.

Obviously it failed considering I now don't know how to feel towards the girl and am still head-over-heels in love with Hikaru.

But I have to pretend- pretend that I love her, care for her, _adore _her, because otherwise it'd be suspicious. Besides- it would hurt Hikaru if I suddenly stopped, yeah? He knows I know that he doesn't like sharing, and he knows that I would easily "give up" the girl for him if necessary. So I'm not any real competition for her heart.

Although I am competition for his.

I admit I don't really try- I don't really want to. I don't want to taint Hikaru with the love of a sinner, with the thoughts that plague my mind and send me to the brink of insanity before I calm down enough to enjoy what I have with my brother.

I think that's why I don't try. What me and my brother have won't last forever, so I won't to make it last as long as possible, and if "as long as possible" is only a few days more, then so be it.

Hikaru's happiness is my happiness.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so I was reading the reviews for this story because I finally have one, and I noticed Snodin's (sign in so I can address you formally in PMs er something!). He noticed how many stories have it where Kaoru is depressed and all that shit.

I'm here to say, I don't really want that kind of story. Yes, I want to write a story where Kaoru is upset and almost to the brink of insanity, but I don't want him depressed or anything.

So to Snodin, this is supposed to be different than all those other stories that are being read, at least if by a little. And it wasn't really mentioned in the anime or manga, it's simply using the clues given in both to create new stories, y'know? Reading between the lines. Go back and watch the Halloween episode to see what I mean. It's more or less stated when dealing with the Cinderella thing he has going on, that and a bit in The Twins Fight! episode.

I don't think I ever said this but if anyone is curious:

This story is about Kaoru's love for Hikaru. It's about how Kaoru is finding himself drifting farther away from his brother and trying not to let the love for his other half get the better of him. This is a story about the struggles Kaoru goes through, going by the motto of "Hikaru's happiness is my happiness" to get him through everything despite the circumstances. Then he meets Codelle Cambridge. Codelle is a simple girl (and only a supporting OC- she won't be shipped with anyone, swear!) moved from America to Japan after her parents died. Kaoru is falling into the darkness, and Codelle is trying to help him find his light, while Kaoru tries to show Codelle how to break out of the world that she had shrunk herself into. They are two different people with similar stories, and I wanted to create this story to where Kaoru needs help because he can't do this on his own, and Hikaru is too busy with his own problems to notice.

I haven't decided if this will end with a depressed Kaoru who commits suicide or something, or if this will be about a happy Kaoru who is slowly, but surely, making it through life despite all the struggles and rebuilding the damaged pieces of his heart, with or without Hikaru. Because Hikaru's happiness is his happiness.

I hope that cleared up some stuff! This was a surprisingly short chapter (in my opinion) and it was going to be longer, but I think I'm just going to continue where I left off in the next chapter.

I honestly feel like this was some sort of rewrite of the prologue, but whatever.

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor any of its characters. I only own the story idea and any thoughts put into this FanFiction, along with the structure of it. Everything belongs to its respective owner._

Read and review, please! It'd be greatly appreciated!

~Angie the Author


	3. Author's Note of Death

Ah, hello my fabulous lack of readers! It is here, the dreaded Author's Note!

So, update. I'm putting this story on a temporary hiatus after not updating in forever and after because I'm remodeling the story in a sense. Meaning, I'm writing an outline, adding in edits, and trying to finalize everything dealing with the story. So, this story won't be updated for at least a week or two; three at the most. Sorry!

However, unless you absolutely want to, my procrastination shouldn't keep you from continuing to check out for updates! They'll be there, I promise! I just want to write something read worthy for you all because you're lovely for even taking the time out of your day to read the summary; I don't want to thank you with a shit chapter.

So, sorry for this author's note, sorry for this hitaus, sorry for never updating, sorry with most likely wasting more of your precious time by a) not updating and b) _posting an author's note_.

There's also a secondary reasoning, but you can see everything on my profile at the very bottom just before my stories; I post announcements concerning stories whenever I'm not planning on updating soon or haven't updated soon, and recently posted one on the 14th.

In other news I have also finally posted the poll concerning the pairings for Walking in Shadows on my profile! You can choose up to three, and by doing this it will help the story's planning go on faster, which means more chapters! Yay!

Thank you, again, and I deeply apologize.

~Angie the Author


End file.
